If you’ve ever wanted to know what it’s like to sleep at the foot of a bed, let me introduce you to Roshi and Ichi — the nocturnal duo that turns bedtime into a game of “Will I suffocate or be footless by dawn?”
The In-and-Out Olympics
Roshi and Ichi don’t sleep — they orbit. They’re in and out of bed all night like it’s a revolving door at a 24-hour dog spa. Why? Because the bed is too warm. These two are heat-sensitive weirdos who prefer the cool, hard floor, but only until their joints or egos remind them that the bed exists. Then it’s up they go… and back down again in 20 minutes. Repeat until sunrise.
The Foot Zone is THEIR Zone
If — if — they grace you with their presence on the bed, they head straight for the foot of it like little sleep pirates claiming territory. They don’t want your love. They want your leg room. Unlike their brother Squids, who believes he owns a pillow and shares it with his humans, Roshi and Ichi want nothing to do with your face. Just your ankles. And your ability to stretch.
Gassy Warnings and Morning Inspections
Now, credit where credit is due — they are polite in their own way. Before dropping what I can only describe as a biohazard-level fart, they give an audible warning. It’s like a low groan from a sinking ship… and then the stench hits, and you regret every choice that led to this moment.
Roshi, however, thinks morning begins whenever you move. A toe wiggle? You’re up. A sigh? He’s in your face. He will sniff your mouth hole, ear holes (especially if he suspects you’re hiding earplugs), and eye holes like some kind of overly enthusiastic TSA agent. Boundaries? Never heard of them. He’s a German Shepherd with the heart of a Golden Retriever and the personal space awareness of a flying squirrel.
Also — word of warning — don’t sleep with socks. Roshi is an opportunist. If those socks slip off in the night, they are gone. The same goes for earplugs. He actively searches for them each morning like they’re Easter eggs. If one falls out, you’d better find it before he does. And yes, he’s tried to remove them from my ears while I was still asleep.
Ichi the Doughnut of Detachment
On the other hand, Ichi is the emotionally distant artist of the group. He sleeps curled into a perfect dog doughnut, usually on the floor. If he does get on the bed, don’t flatter yourself — it’s not because he loves you. It’s because the bed is soft and a dog has needs. He doesn’t want you touching him, facing him, or breathing near him. In his eyes, humans have no personal space. We’re clingy. We’re extra. We’re up in his grill. And he’s over it.
Final Thoughts (If You Can Call Them That at 3 AM)
So, what’s it like sleeping with Roshi and Ichi? It’s like camping with two slightly dramatic roommates who take turns farting, pacing, inspecting your face, and acting like the bed is both a sacred space and a launch pad. You won’t get great sleep — but you will get stories, possibly pink eye, and an odd sense of comfort knowing that, if nothing else, you’re never alone… even when you wish you were.
🐕 Roshi’s Sleep Style Rating Chart 🐕
Inspector No-Boundaries
| Category | Rating (Out of 5 🦴) | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Clinginess | 🦴🦴🦴🦴 | Loves the humans… just not enough to sleep next to them for long. |
| Personal Space Respect | 🦴 | Zero. Will inspect your face-holes at sunrise and won’t apologize. |
| Temperature Tolerance | 🦴 | Gets hot fast. Rotates between bed and floor all night. |
| Noise Level | 🦴🦴🦴🦴 | Mostly quiet, unless you dare move — then it’s sniff-o’clock. |
| Likelihood of Smothering | 🦴🦴🦴 | Will accidentally smother you in a loving “oops my whole body is on your chest” kind of way. |
| Jealousy Level | 🦴🦴 | Mostly above it… unless socks or earplugs are involved. |
| Cuddle Factor | 🦴🦴 | Brief moments of affection followed by dramatic exits. |
| Socks/Earplug Theft | 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴 | A professional. Will hunt for earplugs with military precision. Also eats socks. Watch your feet. |
🐺 Ichi’s Sleep Style Rating Chart 🐺
Lone Wolf with Soft Bed Standards
| Category | Rating (Out of 5 🦴) | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Clinginess | 🦴 | Not into cling. Prefers emotional distance and physical space. |
| Personal Space Respect | 🦴🦴🦴🦴🦴 | Impeccable. Wishes humans were the same. |
| Temperature Tolerance | 🦴🦴🦴🦴 | Prefers the floor but will visit the bed if it meets softness standards. |
| Noise Level | 🦴 | A silent observer. Probably judging everyone. |
| Likelihood of Smothering | 🦴 | Would rather sleep near a cactus than on a human. |
| Jealousy Level | 🦴 | Unbothered. Aloof. Above it all. |
| Cuddle Factor | 🦴 | This is not a cuddle situation. This is a “shared surface” situation. |
| Socks/Earplug Theft | 🦴 | He has standards. He’s not like his brother Roshi. |
Click this >Meet the dogs! (At the bottom of that page)
